Watching Fox, that's like watching the Cartoon Network. Fox is nuts.

I like a lot of wheels. If I could have eight wheels, I would.

Typically, when you're with your friends, premises are coming up left and right. But when you're on stage, you must create the premise. So you have to create the premise, paint the picture and then deliver the punch line.

What would Jesus, or any human being who isn't an asshole, do?

At first the difference will be in whatever atmosphere I bring into it. It's not going to be like, 'I really want to do The Daily Show and I'd love to turn it into an abstract musical.' I like the format and the chance to satirize the news.

The Department of Homeland Security recommends a three-day supply of water consisting of one bottle per day for each person in your home. Plus one extra bottle to give you all something to kill each other over on day four.

College is something you complete. Life is something you experience.