People talk about sexual assault like it's a bad habit that men have.

Comedy is the only form of entertainment where the audience doesn't know what to expect. In an evening, you might get ten comics doing ten different things. That's not what happens when you go to hear music. There isn't a classical performance followed by a hoedown followed by rap.

The Oscars is the one night of the year when you can see all your favorite stars without having to donate any money to the Democratic Party

My friend Bill O’Reilly is completely full of sh*t.

College is something you complete. Life is something you experience.

Sitting around with funny people, banging out jokes and creating a television show. I have no hobbies, no outside interests. I'm fine with spending 14 hours a day putting a show together with tape and string.

Love what you do. Get good at it. Competence is a rare commodity in this day and age. And let the chips fall where they may.