I'm a little bit too obsessed with the news. I find the news easier to follow than narrative entertainment programs.

I'm thrilled to be asked to host the Academy Awards for the second time because, as they say, the third time's a charm.

Religion is far more of a choice than homosexuality.

I kid because I'm on basic cable.

We grew up in the good old days before kids had these damn computers and actually played outside.

When my syndicated show got canceled, the next day I still knew how to write jokes. That was a huge revelation. Because at first you think, "I won't have any shelter! What am I gonna do? The sun is hot. Very thirsty."

Any fool can blow something up. Any fool can destroy. But to see these guys, these firefighters and these policemen and people from all over the country, literally with buckets, rebuilding... that's extraordinary. And that's why we have already won... they can't... it's light. It's democracy. They can't shut that down.