The view... from my apartment... was the World Trade Center... and now it's gone, they attacked it. This symbol of American ingenuity, and strength, and labor, and imagination and commerce, and it is gone. But you know what? You know what the view is now? The Statue of Liberty. The view from the South of Manhattan is now the Statue of Liberty. You can't beat that!

I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about things that I actually care about.

Congress, the legislative stone in America's urethra.

In what is perhaps the strangest turn in the President's efforts to rally support, he agreed that Iraq is just like Vietnam, but in a good way.

I have become increasingly unnerved by the depth of corruption that exists at many different levels. I'm less upset with politicians than [with] the media.

We're Jews. When you look at our pubic hair, it should look like Ewoks should be in there.

I don't think marijuana should be illegal.