Al-Qaeda's resurgence brings out the worst in the Bush Administration's math and logic.

My buddy Tim Bass he's a-workin' pumpin gas, and he makes two fifty for an hour. He's got rhythm in his hands as he's tappin' on the cans, sings rock and roll in the shower.

Never name it after yourself. Maybe we'll throw a with in there. That seems to work. Like Late Show With David Letterman.

The last thing we'll hear is some scientist saying 'It works!'

Historic in a good sense, not historic in a sense of 'so we dropped bombs on everyone.

Being a superpower is like being a Santa Claus that everyone hates.

Being funny in life is a lot more like judo. It's using the energy.