Put an Englishman into the garden of Eden, and he would find fault with the whole blasted concern; put a Yankee in, and he would see where he could alter it to advantage; put an Irishman in, and he would want to boss the thing; put a Dutchman in, and he would proceed to plant it.

Morally considered, laughter is next to the Ten Commandments.

We should make virtue our master, not our servant.

There is no limit to the vanity of this world. Each spoke in the wheel thinks the whole strength of the wheel depends upon it.

I have lived in this world just long enough to look carefully the second time into things that I am most certain of the first time.

Love is said to be blind, but I know some fellows in love who can see twice as much in their sweethearts as I do.

Plenty of folks are so contrary that if they should fall into the river, they would insist upon floating upstream.