There are people so addicted to exaggeration that they actually can't tell the truth without lying.

The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord that it ain't gout.

There's a lot of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it.

A man running for office puts me in mind of a dog that's lost-he smells everybody he meets, and wags himself all over.

Economy is a savings-bank, into which men drop pennies, and get dollars in return.

It ain't because lovers are so sensitive that they quarrel so often; it is because there is so much fun n the making up.

Tears are a good alterative, but a poor diet.