The man who ain't got an enemy is really poor.

I don't never have any trouble in regulating my own conduct, but to keep other folks' straight is what bothers me.

When you do laugh, open your mouth wide enough for the noise to get out without squealing, throw your head back as though you were going to be shaved, hold on to your false hair with both hands and then laugh till your soul gets thoroughly rested.

Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.

Never teach your child to be cunning or you may be certain you will be one of the very first victims of his shrewdness.

Life is like a mountain: after climbing up one side and sliding down the other, put up the sled.

...But why discourse Upon the Virtues of the Horse? They are too numerous to tell Save when you have a Horse to Sell.