Man is my brother, and I am nearer related to him through his vices than I am through his virtue.

If men were stubborn just in proportion as they were right, stubbornness would take her seat among the virtues; but men are generally stubborn just in proportion as they are ignorant and wrong.

I have lived in this world just long enough to look carefully the second time into things that I am most certain of the first time.

We have some writers so abstruse and deep that they drown themselves in their fathomless sentences.

Most people repent their sins by thanking God they ain't so wicked as their neighbors.

When you do laugh, open your mouth wide enough for the noise to get out without squealing, throw your head back as though you were going to be shaved, hold on to your false hair with both hands and then laugh till your soul gets thoroughly rested.

Sekts and creeds ov religion, are like pocket compesses, good enuff tu pinte out the direction, but the nearer the pole yu git thewuss tha wurk.