Man is my brother, and I am nearer related to him through his vices than I am through his virtue.

I don't never have any trouble in regulating my own conduct, but to keep other folks' straight is what bothers me.

Pedigrees seldom improve by age; the grandson is too often a weak infringement on the grandsire's parent.

Politeness is better than logic. You can often persuade when you cannot convince.

The easiest thing for our friends to discover in us, and the hardest thing for us to discover in ourselves, is that we are growing old.

Put an Englishman into the garden of Eden, and he would find fault with the whole blasted concern; put a Yankee in, and he would see where he could alter it to advantage; put an Irishman in, and he would want to boss the thing; put a Dutchman in, and he would proceed to plant it.

It's not ignorance does so much damage; it's knowin' so derned much that ain't so.