About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.

The hardest thing any man can do is to fall down on the ice when it's slippery, and get up and praise the Lord.

A good reliable set of bowels is worth more to a man than any quantity of brains.

Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.

Put an Englishman into the garden of Eden, and he would find fault with the whole blasted concern; put a Yankee in, and he would see where he could alter it to advantage; put an Irishman in, and he would want to boss the thing; put a Dutchman in, and he would proceed to plant it.

Music wasn't made to make us wise, but better natured.

A man cannot learn to be wise any more than he can learn to be handsome.