A better thing to grow up with is to be funny I think, and if I had, if I had my choice I would still pick that.

You know, I'm a comedian the same as Bill Maher and Jon Stewart. We all came up the same way. The three of us have interest in politics; I call us fundits, we're fundits! We're not pundits!

I feel bad for young people. The 20s are a nightmare also. The 20s are hard to do.

Isn't it a little racist to call it Black Friday?

It seemed like the right time. You reach a point when you say to yourself, ‘Do I want to keep doing this?’ There are other things on my plate I want to do — I’ve been writing a play, I’ve been neglecting my standup.

Statistically, skinny women die younger than fat women. Why? Because fat women are killing them.

I don't get jealous of people. Jealousy is such a waste of time because you're jealous of them, and they go about their lives and have a wonderful time, so what's the point?