I don't know what it's going to take for people to really wake up and understand that they [the Bush administration] are liars and they are murderers.

Is there such a thing as a man-made stroke? In other words, did someone do this to (Democratic Senator Tim Johnson)? ...I know what this [Republican] party is capable of.

Monogamy is monotonous, but it's safe you know. And that's my philosophy. And I like to convey that to people.

A better thing to grow up with is to be funny I think, and if I had, if I had my choice I would still pick that.

I keep my stand-up comedy notes in a pile on my desk. I don't organize my act. I keep myself in a state of confusion. It stresses me out, but I prefer creative chaos.

It's a completely useless emotion - jealousy. I don't go there.

Isn't it a little racist to call it Black Friday?