Isn't it a little racist to call it Black Friday?

I feel bad for young people. The 20s are a nightmare also. The 20s are hard to do.

It seemed like the right time. You reach a point when you say to yourself, ‘Do I want to keep doing this?’ There are other things on my plate I want to do — I’ve been writing a play, I’ve been neglecting my standup.

You really have to know who you are. It takes, uh it's not that easy.

I read the 'New York Times', I read 'The Nation', I read 'Newsweek', I read 'Time Magazine', I read 'Politico', I read 'Mediaite'. This is what I do! I read every day, I have interests, I'm like everybody out there who's watching, who's out there watching, you know?

Is there such a thing as a man-made stroke? In other words, did someone do this to (Democratic Senator Tim Johnson)? ...I know what this [Republican] party is capable of.

Those flowers were picked by illegal immigrants. And they're not voting for you, b*tch.