How many of you have ever started dating because you were too lazy to commit a suicide?

I was nominated for two Grammy's, but ... more importantly, I like it when I get a letter from someone ... a person that I've affected their lives or I've helped them. That's important to me. Someone will say "I was feeling bad and you helped me".

I got an A in philosophy because I proved my professor didn't exist.

I turned down a date once because I was looking for someone a little closer to the top of the food chain.

Love Goddess in training. It could happen.

I think it might be harder for a young comic because there's so much more competition. There's more people trying to do it and there are less rooms. Seriously. The way people do anything now is by getting press - some scandal. It's awful. Somebody has to go on a rooftop with a rifle and they get their own sitcom. It's disgusting.

Friends are just enemies who don't have enough guts to kill you.