I was lightweight - that was the whole point of me

I think Australians like a bit of vulgarity

I, as you may know, am no stranger to the organic courgette, but I still cannot work out who these gay footballers are.

My dresser and I have the hots for the new rugby ace Danny Cipriani. We have a shrine in my dressing room - press photos of him on the field looking swarthy and fit, and snaps of our boy emerging from Mayfair nightclubs, looking sexy and dishevelled.

The bullying was hideous and relentless, and we turned it round by making ourselves celebrities.

The good thing about getting older is that, as you become less attractive, so you have less desire to go out and conquer everyone you see

I'm not sure how aware of the rest of the world I am. I live a rather sheltered existence