You say you’re sick, huh? Well, it looks like you’ve come down with a case of bullshit.

I just want silence... Jesus, it doesn't mean I don't like you. It just means right now, I like silence more.

There is no definitive guidebook on how to pick the right partner, and even if there were, I'm way too dumb to write it.

When it's asshole-tightening time, that's when you see what people are made of. Or at least what their asshole is made of.

You go ahead. I'd rather not be shot out of a tube into a pool filled with a bunch of nine-year-olds' urine.

The Internet has really democratized ideas. There are no real gatekeepers any more, because if you have a great idea, and you put it online, people will find it and it will get in front of who it needs to get in front of.

I just wanted to compile these stories about growing up with my father and I wanted people to be able to enjoy them individually, but also the entire book as a whole.