They've found this spider, in the jungle. Three foot long, it eats chicken. Bit weird, innit. People moan saying that you shouldn't lock animals up and all the rest of it, but to be honest I wish it was locked up. The idea that it's roaming in a jungle... get it locked up.
Karl PilkingtonThere is someone for everyone, i'nt there. That's always my thing. And it's reassuring I think.
Karl PilkingtonIf youโre worrying about the wrinkles on your bollocks Iโd say your lifeโs pretty good
Karl PilkingtonThere was some women in a cafรฉ the other week that I was sat in, and she came up and she sat down with her mate and she was talkin' loudly goin' on about "oh the baby's lovely." They said it's got, er, lovely big eyes, er, really big hands and feet. Now that doesn't sound like a nice baby to me. I felt like sayin' it sounds like a frog. But I thought I don't know her, there's only so much you can say to a stranger. I don't know what kept me from sayin' it.
Karl Pilkington