We're just a weed in the universe

People say having kids is life changing, well that doesn't necessarily mean a good thing, does it? I could take one of my legs off. That would change my life.

Chinese people age overnight.

Everyone is living for everyone else now. They're doing stuff so they can tell other people about it. I don't get all that social media stuff, I've always got other things I want to do - odd jobs around the house. No one wants to hear about that.

Parrots have gone a bit quiet since pirates have gone.

I don't know why small chocolates are called fun-sized; I mean, if I called a midget fun-sized, they'd kick off.

Now sometimes I don't know if I feel well. Because I've been in my body for years.