We're just a weed in the universe

Making the 'An Idiot Abroad' series, I was really dreading going to India; I thought I'd hate it. It was a nightmare, and I was really ill - just like everyone says.

I know when I was a kid I ate a beetle. I ate a beetle because I thought it was licorice.

Shitty nappy whizzing through the air, you don't see that in the brochures.

I don't know why small chocolates are called fun-sized; I mean, if I called a midget fun-sized, they'd kick off.

If you’re worrying about the wrinkles on your bollocks I’d say your life’s pretty good

I say have the night and give people the awards, but why do people want to watch people win awards? What are they getting out of it? I don't quite get it. Because they have awards all the time; there's awards for butchers, the best meat served, but they don't televise it. I don't know why they do it for films or TV programs.