What I mean is, I don't know what I mean.

I think people would live a bit longer if they didn't know how old they were. Age puts restrictions on things.

If Dracula can’t see his reflection, how come his parting’s always neat?

They say it all started out with a big bang. But, what I wonder is, was it a big bang or did it just seem big because there wasn't anything else to drown it out at the time?

Comedy's really subjective, you know.

They keep saying that sea levels are rising an' all this. It's nowt to do with the icebergs melting, it's because there's too many fish in it. Get rid of some of the fish and the water will drop. Simple. Basic science.

Every problem solved is a problem made.