It's not easy keeping a diary. You have to be pretty committed.

We're gonna get weaker. That's already happened. They used to say, you know, an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Now they're saying eat five fruits. That's evidence. You can't argue with that.

The Web is the new book though, innit?

I think it's clever how Rome have kept a load of old stuff. There's no overheads, yet people are going over there to see it.

The problem I have with all this religion stuff is that I can't relate to it. I think most people got into 'cos it gave them something to do on a Sunday, but since all the shops are now open it isn't required as much.

This is the problem with over-crowded inner-city schools there aren't enough parts for everyone in the nativity story.

She gave me the jabs and said I was covered for every worst-case scenario, including being bitten by a dirty chimp. I told her this is why we have over-population problems. Why are idiots who annoy dirty chimps being protected?