I know who I am. Bloody hell, I'm getting enough bills for Karl Pilkington so I hope I am him, 'cos if I'm not, I have no idea who I'm paying for

Knowledge is almost annoying.

I came up with a good idea... see-through skin.

I told her that I can't be doing with the Wonder part of these trips, but she said it should be the icing on the cake... I've never liked wedding cake due to the amount of icing, but then imagine a wedding cake without it; just a dark, stodgy, horrible dry sponge. The icing covers up the mess, and that's how I feel about most of the Wonders. They use them to get people to visit a place that you probably wouldn't think about visiting.

I don’t understand why people take pictures of mimes. Everyone looks like a mime in a picture.

It's no good operating on eyes if your eyes are asleep.

Happiness is like a cake: have too much of it and you get sick of it.