If you can't do it, don't do it.

There’s fish in here that I’ve read about that are so see-through that they’re invisible. So I don’t even think they know they exist.

If you’re worrying about the wrinkles on your bollocks I’d say your life’s pretty good

You never see an old man eating a Twix

I sometimes wonder how we're short of cod. There's gonna be a load deep down that are hiding. But it's a good reason to put the price up, and it means a load of people will have haddock. They should tell people they're running out of all sorts. Make 'em panic a bit.

If you live in a glass house, don't be chucking stuff about.

If you go away with, you know, a girlfriend, wife, whatever, you have an argument on holiday because you're not used to spending that much time with people.