From someone whose dad buys him a spade for Christmas, I thought you'd be grateful!

Shitty nappy whizzing through the air, you don't see that in the brochures.

I was impressed by the Taj Mahal. A good bit of work, well looked after, worth paying money to see.

The great pyramid is overrated. It's a bad design. The lounge is going to be huge, but the bedroom is going to be tiny.

I always have a problem liking things I'm told I should like.

In the sea you've got to be constantly sort of alert. It's worse in the sea [than anywhere else in the animal kingdom]. In the sea you've got an enemy behind every rock.

She gave me the jabs and said I was covered for every worst-case scenario, including being bitten by a dirty chimp. I told her this is why we have over-population problems. Why are idiots who annoy dirty chimps being protected?