Does anybody who gave up smoking to save a pound a week have a pound at the end of the week? Not on your life.

Find out what you like doing best, and get someone to pay you for it.

Hats divide generally into three classes: offensive hats, defensive hats, and shrapnel.

The main purpose of children's parties is to remind you that there are children more awful than your own.

There are some circles in America where it seems to be more socially acceptable to carry a hand-gun than a packet of cigarettes.

Whereas a lot of men used to ask for conversation when they really wanted sex, nowadays they often feel obliged to ask for sex even when they really want conversation.

As I look around the West End these days, it seems to me that outside every thin girl is a fat man, trying to get in.