American patriotism is generally something that amuses Europeans, I suppose because children look idiotic saluting the flag and because the constitution contains so many cracks through which the lawyers may creep.

An office party is not, as is sometimes supposed, the Managing Director's chance to kiss the tea-girl. It is the tea-girl's chance to kiss the Managing Director (however bizarre an ambition this may seem to anyone who has seen the Managing Director face on).

Filing is concerned with the past; anything you actually need to see again has to do with the future.

There are some circles in America where it seems to be more socially acceptable to carry a hand-gun than a packet of cigarettes.

Why do born-again people so often make you wish they'd never been born the first time?

Spring makes everything look filthy.

I wouldn't say when you've seen one Western you've seen the lot; but when you've seen the lot you get the feeling you've seen one.