Why do born-again people so often make you wish they'd never been born the first time?

Find out what you like doing best, and get someone to pay you for it.

In my next life I want to be a pessimist. Then other people could spend all their time cheering me up.

Children and zip fasteners do not respond to force ... except occasionally.

Whereas a lot of men used to ask for conversation when they really wanted sex, nowadays they often feel obliged to ask for sex even when they really want conversation.

I blame Rousseau, myself. "Man is born free", indeed. Man is not born free, he is born attached to his mother by a cord and is not capable of looking after himself for at least seven years (seventy in some cases).

One reason you are stricken when your parents die is that the audience you've been aiming at all your life - shocking it, pleasing it - has suddenly left the theater.