From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.

Why do born-again people so often make you wish they'd never been born the first time?

The main purpose of children's parties is to remind you that there are children more awful than your own.

a perfectly managed Christmas correct in every detail is, like basted inside seams and letters answered by return, a sure sign of someone who hasn't enough to do.

[On Malcolm Muggeridge:] He thinks he was knocked off his horse by God, like St. Paul on the road to Damascus. His critics think he simply fell off it from old age.

I suppose we all share this pipe-dream of being able to reach out a hand and find anything at will; what is amazing is that we think that good filing could somehow make it comes true. On the contrary: putting a letter into a filing system is like releasing your ferret in the Hampton Court maze.

I used to think the only use for sport was to give small boys something else to kick besides me.