In our society mothers take the place elsewhere occupied by the Fates, the System, Negroes, Communism or Reactionary Imperialist Plots; mothers go on getting blamed until they're eighty, but shouldn't take it personally.

It beats me how Freud could say "What do women want?" as if we all must want the same thing.

In hell they will bore you, in heaven you will bore them.

No nice men are good at getting taxis.

There are some circles in America where it seems to be more socially acceptable to carry a hand-gun than a packet of cigarettes.

The main purpose of children's parties is to remind you that there are children more awful than your own.

From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.