It has long been my boast that I can read or eat anything. But unfortunately, although I eat like a Hoover, I read so slowly that I am always on the smart book three years after everyone else has finished.

Americans, indeed, often seem to be so overwhelmed by their children that they'll do anything for them except stay married to the co-producer.

The Life and Soul, the man who will never go home while there is one man, woman or glass of anything not yet drunk.

I suppose we all share this pipe-dream of being able to reach out a hand and find anything at will; what is amazing is that we think that good filing could somehow make it comes true. On the contrary: putting a letter into a filing system is like releasing your ferret in the Hampton Court maze.

In hell they will bore you, in heaven you will bore them.

The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any.

Why do born-again people so often make you wish they'd never been born the first time?