I constantly say things that I regret. I mortify myself constantly.

I believe fully in making fun of children. I believe very strongly that you should never make fun of an embryo or your ovaries. I am a big believer on breaking those rules. It's a case-by-case basis. But the thing is, there's so many ways to make a joke about something that is sort of maybe verboten or something.

If you see me on Friday, you'll see different material on Saturday night.

I have what I call A-list moments, but believe me, I'm still on the D-list.

The beauty about the D-list is that people who are on it probably don't know they are.

I have no limits, no filter, no class, no poise. No decorum. Just fun.

Most people unfamiliar with the men in a new town might search for love until they find it. I picked out some guy on my second day in LA, who worked at the local bicycle shop, and handed my virginity to him. “You can fill a tire? Sounds good to me. Let's call it a date.” Needless to say he wasn't Mr. Right.