But if something funny happens, I can't resist. I have to tell the people.

Well, Jon Hamm isn't a real celebrity.

Well, the coffeehouse audiences never know what they're going to get, and all the comics are different, as opposed to when you go to a club, and they're pretty much all telling jokes with set-ups and punchlines. Coffeehouse audiences are the most forgiving: They really listen, which is the best part.

I can say whatever I want. So do not bring the kids. It's definitely rated R.

I constantly say things that I regret. I mortify myself constantly.

Food is my thing, I do not smoke or drink, so food is my vice.

The thing that bums me out about 'The Real World' is I don't want to believe that teenagers are that stupid.