Kathy Griffin Quotes

There's one thing that's really great about waking up early, and it's not jogging or greeting the day - it's just that that's when they make doughnuts.

Food is my thing, I do not smoke or drink, so food is my vice.

I have a no-apology policy. No apologies for jokes. I apologize in my real life all the time. I say ridiculous things, I make mistakes constantly. But when I'm on stage, I'm at a microphone it's a joke!

I prefer big Oprah. I know Oprah wants to be skinny Oprah, but her head is too gigantic to fit on a skinny body. She has to accept that, like Kirstie Alley, she was meant to be... ahm... voluptuous!

A lot of celebrities, especially when you're talking about the really big ones, live in what I call the fame bubble. Nobody ever says no to them or challenges them or even teases them.

I do road gigs occasionally but I don't want to go out on the road for months at a time.

So I wonder if anything should ever be off limits.

I also don't have a desire to be on the A-list. I feel more people can relate to the D-list than the A-list.

I have no limits, no filter, no class, no poise. No decorum. Just fun.

Well, my whole thing with gossip is I couldn't care less if it's true.

I'm always listening and watching; my ear is like a boom mike. And judging, frankly. Constantly judging.

I identify with the regular person, because that is who I am.

I'm also doing a special for Comedy Central called Autobiography. It's going to be a spoof of Biography.

I'm saying that she (Whitney Houston) looks great for a singer... the way Courtney Love is a singer.

I have what I call A-list moments, but believe me, I'm still on the D-list.

No, I love Montreal... I think I love Montreal more than Montreal loves me... I love the food there.

Well, Jon Hamm isn't a real celebrity.

A lot of stars don't have a sense of humor.

I love to work. I love doing standup.

The thing that cracks me up is how these reality characters start out thrilled and excited just to be on television, and how they move to thinking they are as big as the Friends.

I also love Mole, the unsung hero of reality programming.

I certainly immerse myself in as many crazy Hollywood events as I can because you never know where you can pick up material.

The beauty about the D-list is that people who are on it probably don't know they are.

I can say whatever I want. So do not bring the kids. It's definitely rated R.

When my pals in high school were starting to drink, it always looked unappealing to me. I would be at a big party and see one of the popular girls or football players completely wasted and puking and acting a fool, and think to myself, there is nothing cool about that. I never wanted to be that out of control.

I do feel I'm kind of a magnet for crazy, and if there isn't enough crazy, I will insert myself in a situation that I feel has comedy potential.

To give up my job as a temp and actually make a living doing comedy, it was staggering.

I love to make fun of fashion because it is just so silly.

It was a nightmare having cameras in the house 10 hours a day for a month.

It was sweaty Whitney (Houston) in Central Park. She knew that park pretty well. Every bush!

My act is based on my life.

If you see me on Friday, you'll see different material on Saturday night.

My act has always reflected what's going on in my life.

Always and Forever is a Grandmothers love

I think a Celebrity Survivor would be great.

Do you remember a little phenom called step aerobics? If you do, then you know how crazy it was to take two ninety-minute classes in a row. It’s incredible that I didn’t die from a blunt injury to the back of my head from slipping on my own pool of sweat.

I'm not somebody who no matter where I go there are paparazzi or any of that nonsense. But I have a little window into that world and I can enter it and dance around. I want to be the audience's ticket into the party.

I'm not always in that good with middle-aged heterosexual men.

I actually have to pick and chose stuff that I know I'm going to bomb at.

The thing that bums me out about 'The Real World' is I don't want to believe that teenagers are that stupid.

The great thing about celebrity culture is that they can't seem to stop themselves from displaying their ridiculous behaviour. I feel it's my job as a serious investigative journalist to witness all kinds of behaviour and then report back to the audience through the prism of my own anger and bitterness.

I am in love with Larry David.

I love doing [stand-up]. I love making people laugh no matter how. Whether it's a commercial, or a TV show, or a reality show, or a talk show, or a special, or a book. However I can make people laugh, that's what I want to do.

I'll be honest, there's a part of me that does think I'm held to a different standard than my contemporaries and peers, and it's a little frustrating.

That's what I loved about Temptation Island. I don't even know why they did it.

No one teaches you how to do this. How do you let go of someone who you love so much?

Oh, I constantly say things that I regret. I mortify myself constantly. But that's just part of the deal. I'm not really sure what's going to come out of my mouth.

I hate it, it is tedious... when I write for my act, it is very improvisational, I write bullet points, I cannot sit in front of a computer; that is not my style.