If I get a hard audience they are not going to get away until they laugh. Those seven laughs a minute -- Ive got to have them.

Comedy should never be over-analysed. It's either funny or it isn't. There's a subtle difference between those who say funny things and those who say things funny.

If I get a hard audience they are not going to get away until they laugh. Those seven laughs a minute -- Ive got to have them.

Men's legs have a terribly lonely life - standing in the dark in your trousers all day.

I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.

Did you know that a laugh is something that comes out of a hole in your face? Anywhere else and you're in dead trouble!

I haven't spoken to my mother-in-law for eighteen months-I don't like to interrupt her.