The trouble with Freud is that he never played the Glasgow Empire Saturday night.
Television is like a great monster, eating your gags as fast as you say them.
Men's legs have a terribly lonely life - standing in the dark in your trousers all day.
I told the Inland Revenue I didn't owe them a penny because I lived near the seaside.
Laughter is the greatest music in the world and audiences come to my shows to escape the cares of life. They don't want to be embarrassed or insulted. They want to laugh and so do I - which is probably why it works.
If I get a hard audience they are not going to get away until they laugh. Those seven laughs a minute -- Ive got to have them.