Did you know that a laugh is something that comes out of a hole in your face? Anywhere else and you're in dead trouble!

If I get a hard audience they are not going to get away until they laugh. Those seven laughs a minute -- Ive got to have them.

Did you know that a laugh is something that comes out of a hole in your face? Anywhere else and you're in dead trouble!

Laughter is the greatest music in the world and audiences come to my shows to escape the cares of life. They don't want to be embarrassed or insulted. They want to laugh and so do I - which is probably why it works.

Men's legs have a terribly lonely life - standing in the dark in your trousers all day.

I haven't spoken to my mother-in-law for eighteen months-I don't like to interrupt her.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother.