Television is like a great monster, eating your gags as fast as you say them.
Men's legs have a terribly lonely life - standing in the dark in your trousers all day.
If I get a hard audience they are not going to get away until they laugh. Those seven laughs a minute -- Ive got to have them.
I told the Inland Revenue I didn't owe them a penny because I lived near the seaside.
Did you know that a laugh is something that comes out of a hole in your face? Anywhere else and you're in dead trouble!
Laughter is the greatest music in the world and audiences come to my shows to escape the cares of life. They don't want to be embarrassed or insulted. They want to laugh and so do I - which is probably why it works.