Television is like a great monster, eating your gags as fast as you say them.
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother.
Comedy should never be over-analysed. It's either funny or it isn't. There's a subtle difference between those who say funny things and those who say things funny.
I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.
Men's legs have a terribly lonely life - standing in the dark in your trousers all day.
If I get a hard audience they are not going to get away until they laugh. Those seven laughs a minute -- Ive got to have them.