It's tough getting older. You start falling apart, you know? My gums are starting to recede now. You can't tell tonight, though, 'cause I comb them forward.

I think I sent out some résumés for marketing jobs, and they all came back in the mail because I didn't have enough postage.

I don't mind seeing two guys kissing, you know, as long as they're clean-shaven.

I'm Kevin Nealon, and that's news to me.

A novel is too much of a commitment. I tend to peruse Twitter - I check to see if I had any mentions and read the latest messages.

The ethical argument regarding abortion hinges on the question of when life begins. Some believe life begins at forty.

Saturday Night Live was a show that I never thought I would be on, because I didn't do sketch comedy and I didn't do impressions. I was a stand-up.