We're first on executions. We're 49th in funding public education. We're in a race with Mississippi for the bottom, and we're winning.

If you elect me the first Jewish justice of the peace, I'll reduce the speed limits to 54.95!

Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.

I never apologize for the truth. And the truth here is that racists come in many different colors.

Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.

Young people are the key to this election.

I don't feel bad about losing.