I'm also for gay marriage, because I say they have every right to be just as miserable as the rest of us. Love is bigger than government. And Texas, by the way, has a very progressive law about gay couples adopting kids. We just won't let them get married. So that's not common sense.

Always respect your superiors, if you have any.

I rarely meddled in the cat's personal affairs and she rarely meddled in mine. Neither of us was foolish enough to attribute human emotions to our pets.

I came from an upper-middle class home, which is always a hard cross for a country singer to bear.

If you're patient and you wait long enough, something will usually happen and it'll usually be something you don't like.

Jerry Jones and Chris Christie are probably the most important latent homosexual relationship since Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson.

I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough.