If you have the choice between humble and cocky, go with cocky. There's always time to be humble later, once you've been proven horrendously, irrevocably wrong.

My three favorite travel writers of all time are Robert Louis Stevenson, Graham Greene, and Chuck Thompson. Smile When You're Lying not only tells the truth about the travel-writing racket, it gets to the heart of some of the travel industry's best-kept secrets.

The good teachers are bailing out. Education is very important.... This should be the centerpiece on the table of Texas.

When you record something, you never know who's going to hear it.

I don't believe in carrying a weapon. If somebody wants to shoot me, he'll have to bring his own gun.

Friday night was the night most people thought they were supposed to have fun. Trouble was most people didn't know what fun was or how to have it, so things usually ended up pretty ugly.

If you elect me the first Jewish justice of the peace, I'll reduce the speed limits to 54.95!