Kinky Friedman Quotes

My plan is to bring back like the Bracero Program from 1944 that ran for 20 years where the Mexican government vets these people. I mean, they pay for it, and they get green cards, and they're actually legitimate. And then seal the border.

I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.

There is a difference between who is important and who is significant.

Whether your destination is heaven or hell, you always have to change planes in Dallas.

People are drooling for the truth. They want honesty from politicians, and they're not getting it.

I've been in true love many times. I just try to avoid it as much as possible. For if there's one thing I know about true love, it is that sooner or later, it results in a hostage situation.

I suffer from the curse of being multi-talented. There's no doubt about it. Politics and literature have gotten in the way of songwriting.

Students don't know who Mark Twain was because he wasn't on the test.

I'll sign anything except bad legislation.

The teachers are getting screwed, blued, and tattooed by the system.

Simón Bolívar is the only person in history to be exiled from a country named after him.

Inspiration thing is important, to teach the kids that JFK is not an airport, RFK's not a stadium, Martin Luther King ain't a street

I'm ready for anything. That's probably why it never happens.

That's the government. Having been a politician and a musician, I can tell you which one is a higher calling. If musicians ran the country, it would be a much different place. We wouldn't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'd work late.

You have to pretend that your life is a financial pleasure even when your autographs are bouncing.

If Raymond Chandler came from the South, his name would be Ace Atkins.

Friday night was the night most people thought they were supposed to have fun. Trouble was most people didn't know what fun was or how to have it, so things usually ended up pretty ugly.

Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.

I don't think where people come from is that important. It doesn't matter if you come from reality TV. The question is whether you can inspire people.

I'm too young for Medicare and too old for women to care.

There are more inspirational people in music than there are in politics.

The good teachers are bailing out. Education is very important.... This should be the centerpiece on the table of Texas.

William Bennett is my patron saint, one of them. Redd Foxx is another.

The only currency I value is the coin of the spirit. That's very important in my life.

When I'm governor... I'll be the first governor with a listed telephone number.

I want to see a Jew in the White house.

I'm going to lower the drinking age to eighteen. If you're old enough to die in Iraq, you're old enough to drink.

This is called "spiritual lifting." It's not heavy lifting. The governor of Texas should not be confused with Arnold Schwarzenegger. That's a powerful position. The governor of Texas can't do any heavy lifting really. It's not that powerful a position.

Jerry Jones and Chris Christie are probably the most important latent homosexual relationship since Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson.

Happiness is a moving target.

The Democrats and Republicans are the same guy admiring themself in the mirror.

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.

There will be a whole new spirit blowing through Texas. There will be a smile on everybody's face and a chill up the spine of every politician.

I don't think I have even achieved fame. Of course, Hemingway says that fame is death's little sister.

Always beware of people offering you one-time money. That only works in an election year. How are you going to permanently pay for education?

The first thing I'll do if elected is demand a recount.

Wandering around back stage at a willie Nelson concert is a bit like being the parrot on the shoulder of the guy who's running the Ferris wheel. It's not the best seat in the house, but you see enough lights, action, people, and confusion to make you wonder if anybody knows what the hell's going on. If you're sitting out front, of course, it all rolls along as smoothly as a German train schedule, but as Willie, like any great magician, would be the first to point out, the real show is never in the center ring. As Willie always says, Fortunately, we're not in control.

Yes, I'm a Judeo-Christian. Jesus and Moses are in my heart. And both of them were independents, by the way.

I don't see how the people who created the problem can fix it. Texas is worth fighting for, and the best way to fight is to get the politicians out of politics.

The system is not perfect. Until it's perfect, let's do away with the death penalty.

May the God of your choice bless and keep you. I respect Him as long as He does not circumcise me anymore.

There's a fine line between fiction and non-fiction and I think I snorted it somewhere in 1979

I'm not for the parties. I'm for Texas.

If you gotta kill two birds, might as well get stoned.

If you're patient and you wait long enough, something will usually happen and it'll usually be something you don't like.

You never marry the person you first see 'Casablanca' with.

Cuban cigars is a big expense because I do smoke a lot of them, eight to 12 a day, so that would be almost as bad as a cocaine habit, a hundred bucks a day.

You struggle with your demons and you conquer them.