What has six balls and screws Texans? The Texas Lottery.

I'm not for the parties. I'm for Texas.

This system is really broken. No Child Left Behind has really failed and the only way to solve education is to leave one governor behind.

It wasn't a healthy attitude, but it wasn't really a healthy world.

Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.

In six days the Lord created the heavens and the earth and all the wonders therein. There are some of us who feel that He might have taken just a little more time.

The only thing that really differentiates Texas from any other place in the world is the proclivity of its people to urinate outdoors and to attach a certain amount of importance to this popular pastime.