I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.

If Jesus Christ had run as an independent, Rick Perry would have beat him.

I'm not pro-life, and I'm not pro-choice. I'm pro-football.

They probably would've taken Jesus if he hadn't been nailed down.

Well, I hate to be the one to take the flyswatter to Tinker Bell, but...

The Ten Commandments being taken out of the public schools. I want them back.

I don't apologize to people who try to intimidate.