I'd felt that a man without a woman was like a neck without a pain.

God created whiskey to keep the Irish from taking over the world.

Friday night was the night most people thought they were supposed to have fun. Trouble was most people didn't know what fun was or how to have it, so things usually ended up pretty ugly.

When a stray animal crosses your path, it may be as close to God as you're going to get in this lifetime.

We're first on executions. We're 49th in funding public education. We're in a race with Mississippi for the bottom, and we're winning.

All my adult life I've been in the practice of giving advice to people who are happier than I am.

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.