My goal as a young man, to be fat, famous and financially fixed by 50.

I don't believe in carrying a weapon. If somebody wants to shoot me, he'll have to bring his own gun.

The child-teacher relationship is crucial.

If you don't love Jesus-go to hell!

When I'm governor... I'll be the first governor with a listed telephone number.

I'm too young for Medicare and too old for women to care.

William Bennett is my patron saint, one of them. Redd Foxx is another.