If Raymond Chandler came from the South, his name would be Ace Atkins.

No matter where you go, you always see yourself in the rearview mirror.

The only thing that really differentiates Texas from any other place in the world is the proclivity of its people to urinate outdoors and to attach a certain amount of importance to this popular pastime.

We're first on executions. We're 49th in funding public education. We're in a race with Mississippi for the bottom, and we're winning.

May the God of your choice bless and keep you. I respect Him as long as He does not circumcise me anymore.

If Jesus Christ had run as an independent, Rick Perry would have beat him.

We've got to clear some of the room out of the prisons so we can put the bad guys in there, like the pedophiles and the politicians.