A happy childhood is the worst possible preparation for life.

We're first on executions. We're 49th in funding public education. We're in a race with Mississippi for the bottom, and we're winning.

I came from an upper-middle class home, which is always a hard cross for a country singer to bear.

If you're paranoid long enough, sooner or later you're gonna be right.

Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.

The main health hazard in the world today is people who don't love themselves.

Whether your destination is heaven or hell, you always have to change planes in Dallas.