If Hitler’s still alive, I hope he’s out of town with a musical.

You can write something that has continuity, but it makes happy endings all the more ridiculous.

A war is like when it rains in New York and everybody crowds into doorways. They all get chummy together perfect strangers. The only difference, of course, is in a war it's also raining on the other side of the street and the people who are chummy over there are trying to kill the people who are over here who are chums.

Most jokes state a bitter truth.

If Hitler’s still alive, I hope he’s out of town with a musical.

One does not have humor. It has you.

I never watched Friends, maybe because it was written by people straight out of college....The only way to avoid age discrimination in Hollywood is to die young.