I grew up on a pig farm in southeast Nebraska. When I started doing the Blue Collar Tour, I thought it was kind of funny because I faked my accent, so everybody thought I lived in an apartment somewhere. But I grew up on a pig farm.

People always ask my mom what I did as a kid. My mom says, "He wasn't a bad kid. He was never an unruly kid, always listened and obeyed."

I don't have a lot of recreation time. I've always been under the assumption that if you're selling tickets you need to work. The kind of success that's happened to me maybe only happens to one comedian every twenty years and so I'm on the road constantly.

Blaming guns for killing people is like blaming pencils for bad spelling

I was scared into being good. But I'm sure I did regular kid stuff.

I was always getting in trouble because I was the class clown but I always made teacher laugh. I remember I thought I was going to fail that class but I ended up passing it and I really think it was only because I was good entertainment for her.

Remember, half the people you know are below average.