Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent.

When you see yourself quoted in print and you’re sorry you said it, it suddenly becomes a misquotation.

Prejudice is one of the world's greatest labor-saving devices; it enables you to form an opinion without having to dig up the facts.

America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation.

Before publishers' blurbs were invented, authors had to make their reputations by writing.

You can always tell a real friend: when you've made a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job.

Reality is for people who can't face drugs.