I inherited my ability from both parents; my mother's ability for spending money, and my father's ability for not earning it.

Every man serves a useful purpose: a miser, for example, makes a wonderful ancestor.

As a matter of fact is an expression that precedes many an expression that isn't.

Give a child enough rope and he will trip you up.

You don't need to take a persons advice to make him feel good, just ask him for it.

It usually takes two people to make one of them angry.

Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.